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Are we born with a heterosexual desire, or do we simply end up with it? Is addiction to porn real? How may fear turn into sexual arousal? Why do men like to send dick pics? These are some of the topics Frederick Toates and I discussed in this podcast episode. 

Frederick Toates is an Emeritus Professor of Biological Psychology at The Open University in England and Vice-President of the Open University Psychology Society. He is well known for his work on sexual desire, which he published in a book: How Sexual Desire Works: The Enigmatic Urge – a great read, dense in information and research findings from fields like psychology and neuroscience. Recently he explored why some people engage in serial killings for sexual pleasure, and in 2022 he published a book on this topic: Understanding Sexual Serial Killing

Tune in for this in-depth, highly educative conversation and let us know your thoughts. 

If you enjoy it, share it with your friends or on social media, and don’t forget to tag us: @redcheeksnoshame

Podcast Navigation

00:04:00 – psychedelics
00:07:20 – Background / growing up
00:11:45 – Development of sexual desire and arousal in people
00:16:20 – Two control systems (one that bonds and one that seeks variety)
00:19:20 – Why people cheat 
00:23:50 – Jealousy 
00:32:00 – Mating and selecting partners
00:40:26 – Sexual arousal and desire – differences between men and women 
00:45:20 – Why do some man who is in a happy relationship turn to pornography for sexual arousal / supernormal stimuli
00:48:31 – Pornography / sex and other addictions
01:16:06 – Why do men like to send dick picks


Coolidge effect
Rope bridge experiment & Misattribution of Arousal
Marshmallow effect
Willson and Daily: statistical research on non-biological fathers are abusive to kids
(Evolutionary Social Psychology and Family Homicide)
Nikolaas Tinbergen
Supernormal stimulus
Fred’s article on sex addiction